I am changing. I am growing. I am learning. I’m getting stronger, wiser, bolder, more patient, more loving, more humble… more like Jesus. I’m getting closer to my heavenly Father. I know Him more intimately than ever before. That is my testimony. But it’s nothing to brag about. There are many, many other saints of God around the world with that same testimony. And it CAN, and SHOULD be, the testimony of every single Christian on this earth!
But with every breakthrough, every new revelation of God’s Word, …every new eye-opener of who God is, who I am in His sight, and what He wants me to be and do; I am more awed, and humbled. And, OK, maybe I’m odd, and maybe nobody else thinks like this… but that stirs up some questions in me:
Why me? Why now? The breakthroughs I’ve seen recently, and in the last few years, I have been seeking from the Lord for 40+ years. Did God love me any less back then, or last year, or a week ago? Does God love someone else less, who doesn’t know what I now know, or hasn’t experienced what I’ve experienced? Or does God love someone more than me, who knows or has experienced more? The answer’s obvious, right? We’d all say, “No, He loves everyone the same”.
So, if we conclude that there’s no change, and no difference in God’s love that can account for the breakthroughs, then is it safe to say it must be something in us that we can credit? Something He sees in us that makes Him more pleased, and more free to move for us? That’s logical, even scriptural, and I can certainly say personally, that God has really opened things up for me when I broke through some new levels of surrender, and stepped out in obedience.
But here’s the question that makes me uncomfortable, but motivates me: If it’s the good that God sees in me (good heart, sincerity, desire, faith, obedience) that causes Him to move for me, and reveal truth to me… then why don’t I have everything, and know it all, NOW? Is there something He sees in me that is holding Him back? (I know God’s timing can have a place, and He is sovereign, but He is also a REWARDER of them that diligently seek Him. So, yes, my heart and actions matter.)
I can sincerely say, that I feel like I’m surrendering all, right now. But then, I THOUGHT I had surrendered all 20 years ago… 40 years ago. And there turned out to be MORE surrender required, and things to change that I didn’t SEE back then. There were actually things that God saw in my life that were WRONG, say nothing about deep hidden mysteries that I didn’t understand.
So that just leads me to more big NOW questions: What’s the next level of surrender that God’s looking for? What is there that I don’t see now? Is there STILL something wrong… something I’m doing or believing, that He wants to correct? I’ll just be honest, and say I’m pretty sure there is. But I am not at all comfortable with where I’m at, what I know, what I have, and what I’m doing now. And I am not afraid to let Him reveal WHATEVER, and correct me… because He LOVES me and corrects in such a gentle, but life-changing way. I am SO encouraged, SO motivated, by what God has done for me so far, every time I have humbled myself, and broken through another level of surrender, that I am going to keep ASKING, SEEKING, KNOCKING, and SURRENDERING, till I see Him face to face!
But here’s the thing that we absolutely, positively MUST understand about surrender: It’s NOT trying harder. It’s NOT sacrificing more. It’s NOT weeping and groaning. It’s NOT “doing more for God”. Surrender might include any or all of those things, but those things do not make surrender. It is simply to GIVE YOURSELF UP, and accept the victor’s terms… UNCONDITIONALLY! His terms of surrender are written in His Word. He bought us. He owns us. We are HIS! The price was His own pure, holy, spotless SON. So that we can be His sons… pure, holy, and spotless. Search it out and accept it! We have NO right to add or subtract ANYTHING from His terms and conditions.
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